and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
