her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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