i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
