ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
