took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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