I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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