Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
