please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
