Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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