I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
