you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Everything about him screamed your future.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
