I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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