i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
