Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
