i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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