I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
