Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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