I wish life had little blips of pornography
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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