Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
