I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
