I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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