remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
