shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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