i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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