I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
