i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
