So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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