i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize