I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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