Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize