So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
its liver damage thursday
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
