I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
