im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
