Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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