They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
