I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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