well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She's the barista slut.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize