I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think my moral compass just broke
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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