You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
