My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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