dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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