plz talk dirty to me
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
