I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize