Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
