I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize