my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
