They should really pass out barf bags in church
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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