How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
