Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
