He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He shit in the fireplace
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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