I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
