u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
