I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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