Im at strip club and am horny
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
