Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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