the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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