I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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