Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
