8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
