They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
