The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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