you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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