i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
