Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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