I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
