I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
