pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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